Found In the Woods

My beloved Steelcase office chair, nicknamed Luscious Jackass (after a mashup of some freebee stickers I got in College), has died. A couple weeks ago a tension bar in the recline mechanism cracked and broke. Today, the bar that keeps the chair from tipping wayyyyyyyyyyy back gave way too. I offer the following effigy:

Luscious Jackass, Jun 1963 – Nov 2005

Oh, Luscious Jackass, how thee will be missed. All the wonderful years of support you provided… those sleepless nights, frantic days and lazy afternoons. You saw it all. I rescued you from the back of a University of Delaware pickup truck collecting old, decrepid office furniture. Among all the others in the heap, you caughty my eye. With your beefy frame and dazzling blue vinyl upholstery, I just had to have you. It didn’t matter to me that you were an older woman; your Jun 1963 build date stamped so neatly on the base in yellow paint only made me love you more. For nine years you’ve been there with me. Through loves and loves lost, good times and bad, sorrow and joy, you’ve always supported me. I guess my 290 lbs of grade A American laziness was just too much for you to bear. There will never be another like you, Luscious. Godspeed my dear, godspeed. You will never be forgotten.