Found In the Woods

There must be some sort of subculture of humorists in this world who have cleverly inundated some of the most obscure and bizarre (and some obviously fake) items on Amazon.com with hilarious comments and stories. Take this ad for Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz with poetry and wonderful additional photos below the product photo. Here’s an excerpt from a comment titled “One Friday, Without the Milk”:

“Over dinner that night I casually inserted,”What happened to the milk?”
“Oh,”he smiled sheepishly, glancing aside,”I guess I forgot today.”

That was when I knew. He was tired of this life with me, tired of bringing home the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. He was probably shoveling funds into a secret bank account, looking at apartments in town, casting furtive glances at cashiers and secretaries and waitresses. That’s when I knew it was over. Some time later he moved in with a cashier from the Food Mart down the street. And me? Well, I’ve gone soy.”

and from the JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank

“I bought the JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser because I needed a vehicle. When I got it, I carefully disabled the weapons and managed to boost the speeds. With a licenses plate, I started driving this wonderful machine to and from work. The best feature about this is that no one can see in, so I can take the car pool lane without being bothered by those pesky cops. Also, the tank fits into the compact car parking spots. Definitely something to drive to and from work. Not terribly gas efficient, but worth it!”

Follow the links on the various pages for more goodness.

I dont like to stress the fact that the warlock rocks, but he jus does. So, for all you staff users out there, feel free to come in and post, my staff is a good one, but here is how it goes
1. post message in the room
2. LOOK IT OVER
3. dont report anything, i might get in trouble 🙂
and 4. Have fun!!!

This had me in tears. I love these little hidden bits. http://www.wowwiki.com/Kralnor

Ya wot, Kes? Don’t call her that, Kes! She’s not a slag, she’s me mum!

Red Sox sweep the World Series 4-0. To quote a friend, “winning never gets old”.

Dobrhaltar is 70… my first. I’m so proud of him.

I forgot what a riot these comix are.

Now this is scary. A few months ago a video emerged of inmates at a Philippine prison performing a ginormous choreographed dance to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, made famous in the mid-80s for it’s horror film inspired awesomeness. Remember, this was back when MJ was cool and not a freak. Thriller was the first full-lengh LP I owned myself. I still remember when my Mom turned me down to go see MJ at the Boston Garden… the conversation went something like this (I was 9 at the time): “Mom, I want to go to the Michael Jackson concert!” She replies, without looking at me “is it general seating?” I say “I guess so.” “No” she says. And that was that. But I digress…

Scarier than the original Thriller and even scarier than the plastic surgery bill he has… I give you

INDIAN THRILLER

[youtube LbvP7dT3Dx0]

Some blog sites are being innundated w/ malicious links via posts to comments. Some of these we’ve all seen many times in spam or on other sites. They are all too perfectly funny.

STORM WORM SUBJECT LINES

• are you kidding me? lol
• Dude dont send that stuff to my home email…
• Dude your gonna get caught, lol
• HAHAHAHAHAHA, man your insane!
• I cant belive you did this
• LMAO, your crazy man
• LOL, dude what are you doing
• man, who filmed this thing?
• oh man your nutz
• OMG, what are you thinking

I performed my civic duty yesterday, jury duty. The age old American ritual of time-wasting and watching those old and broken gears of justice spin around like a rust-covered meat grinder. Well, I assume it wasn’t always like that, but for me it sure was. The room, full of auditorium style seats, was full with about 350 folks, all eager to not have their number called so they could collect their $15 check and be on with their lives. After sitting from 8:30am until 11:45am, reading, watching Howl’s Moving Castle on my iPod, instant messaging and surfing the net (they have about 8 PCs in the back room, which is nice), I was dismissed for a 1.5 hr lunch break.

At 1:30pm I was called to a courtroom, along with about 45 other folks. We filed into the courtroom eagerly awaiting our chance to fulfill the honorable duty to our great nation by serving on a jury of peers… or something like that. Instead, we sat for a few hours, in the “voir dire” phase of jury selection, which is a long series of questions intended to give the court a chance to know if you are someone they want on their jury. Questions like “do you have a problem with the police department” or “do you believe that narcotics should be legalized”, and so on. This silliness took 2 hours and was mind numbing.

When we did eventually get around to seating jurors, several folks stood up and gave excuses on why they shouldn’t serve. One lady didn’t understand English. Another had some medical problem. Another lady had a business to run. Another guy can’t understand english. A lady needs to be at her office for a meeting. And the best, one lady actually said she had guests coming over for dinner and needed to be home. When the dust cleared and the judge conferred with the counsel and assistants, he said “well folks looks like this is your lucky day” and proceeded to inform us that he’d granted too many strikes to the defense/prosecutor and that they wouldn’t technically be able to seat the jury. So we all left… after 3 hours of nothing.

I’m proud to be American, but when you see nonsense like this it makes you wonder if all the hullabaloo about problems within the justice system are true. I have little faith in our justice system. In principle, it’s brilliant and a great example to the rest of the world. In actuality, it’s a messed-up, broken piece of our democracy that needs serious overhaul. Used and abused, the system is overrun with technicalities and red tape that only serves the money-grubbing lawyers, eager to defend or prosecute so they can get a piece of the pie. It’s sad and depressing, and I’m glad I won’t have to do it again for at least 5-10 years. Blech.

Yep, it’s been a long time… 53 days to be exact. Pathetic, I admit. I haven’t scrapped the blog just yet, but it’s tempting. 🙂 So, in the last month and a half a lot has happened.

• Went to Red Sox vs. Orioles game w/ Bruce & Jerry
• Saw Transformers movie
• Kyle & Anna both celebrated b-days – Kyle = 3, Anna = 1
• Fulfilled a lifelong dream and drove a steam locomotive
• Kris & I celebrated our 5th anniversary
• Attended Steve Johnson’s wedding, finally
• Made our annual journey up to Cape Cod and visited w/ the family, which was really nice
• Got back into D&D, after a nearly 10 year hiatus
• And of course, been playing lots of WoW

I’d like to blog all of these things and I mean to. I think I will set up posts with retroactive dates… sort of like Jiffy Express.