Found In the Woods

This is a new one for me, folks. The term Mall Ninja describes someone who takes tactical (ie. SWAT) and military gear too seriously and yet has no real need for the stuff. One might envision a nerdy, overweight guy browsing internet sites and catalogs for body armor and tricked-out gun parts so they can build an arsenal and appear to be technically knowledgeable, yet the McDonalds uniform and Twinkies give it all away.

Reported this morning on BoingBoing, someone has set up a shrine to the mall ninja of mall nijas, Gecko45. Read all you need to know here. IF you liked that, you will love THIS. I was laughing so hard, I didn’t know what hit me. Here are some quotes from the discussion on “you might be a mall ninja IF…”:

You own a Glock 9mm and dozens of mags, and the only magazines that are not 33 rounders are the ones that came with the gun, and you have no clue were you put them.

You walk in Home Depot a look at a piece of tile, or sheet metal and say, ” you know if I wrap that in enough duct tape, it will make a good trauma plate.”

You think swinging down from the top of your garage on a rope qualifies as repelling.

You clamp 2 40 round mags together to equalize the center of gravity on your AR. It’s currently front heavy with the rail, lights, lazers,Eotech,and Eotech mangifier.

Every T-shirt in your closet has some form of the words… “police” “swat” “special forces” etc…. And the only uniform you ever wore is from McDonalds

I’ve had issues with Home Depot for ages. The place ran Hechingers out of town in the DC metro area years ago and now has the same issues Hechinger’s had when it closed its doors. What it doesn’t have that Hechingers did have is local roots. But now HD is plagued by bad customer service, inaccurate inventory, poor quality inventory, lack of knowledgeable staff, messy stores and a host of other issues. The whole “show me your receipt on the way out or you can’t leave” practice that many superstores practice now is something that has always irritated me. It never seemed right, to be treated like a criminal, and I highly doubt that it really prevents much theft. I mean, you’ve just come through the register, you’ve got a bag, what do they think I’m doing? Being accused guilty before proven guilty goes against so many tenets of our societal foundations yet like sheep we follow these corporate mongrels’ rules without a peep.

This guy got detained by DCPD for not showing his receipt and wrote a letter to the CEO of HD to complain. It’s well written and it struck a note with me because on many occasions have experienced several of the things on his list of complaints.

http://www.mattashburn.com/index.php/2008/02/27/why-ill-no-longer-shop-at-dcs-home-depot/

When are they going to learn? Hopefully now.

Shepard Fairey (of Andre The Giant has a Posse fame) has done a nice poster to show his support for pres. candidate Barack Obama. Good stuff.

This monstrosity dropped for me in Karazhan last Monday. w00t! This thing is huge!

There must be some sort of subculture of humorists in this world who have cleverly inundated some of the most obscure and bizarre (and some obviously fake) items on Amazon.com with hilarious comments and stories. Take this ad for Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz with poetry and wonderful additional photos below the product photo. Here’s an excerpt from a comment titled “One Friday, Without the Milk”:

“Over dinner that night I casually inserted,”What happened to the milk?”
“Oh,”he smiled sheepishly, glancing aside,”I guess I forgot today.”

That was when I knew. He was tired of this life with me, tired of bringing home the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. He was probably shoveling funds into a secret bank account, looking at apartments in town, casting furtive glances at cashiers and secretaries and waitresses. That’s when I knew it was over. Some time later he moved in with a cashier from the Food Mart down the street. And me? Well, I’ve gone soy.”

and from the JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank

“I bought the JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser because I needed a vehicle. When I got it, I carefully disabled the weapons and managed to boost the speeds. With a licenses plate, I started driving this wonderful machine to and from work. The best feature about this is that no one can see in, so I can take the car pool lane without being bothered by those pesky cops. Also, the tank fits into the compact car parking spots. Definitely something to drive to and from work. Not terribly gas efficient, but worth it!”

Follow the links on the various pages for more goodness.

I dont like to stress the fact that the warlock rocks, but he jus does. So, for all you staff users out there, feel free to come in and post, my staff is a good one, but here is how it goes
1. post message in the room
2. LOOK IT OVER
3. dont report anything, i might get in trouble 🙂
and 4. Have fun!!!

This had me in tears. I love these little hidden bits. http://www.wowwiki.com/Kralnor

Ya wot, Kes? Don’t call her that, Kes! She’s not a slag, she’s me mum!

Red Sox sweep the World Series 4-0. To quote a friend, “winning never gets old”.

I forgot what a riot these comix are.

Now this is scary. A few months ago a video emerged of inmates at a Philippine prison performing a ginormous choreographed dance to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, made famous in the mid-80s for it’s horror film inspired awesomeness. Remember, this was back when MJ was cool and not a freak. Thriller was the first full-lengh LP I owned myself. I still remember when my Mom turned me down to go see MJ at the Boston Garden… the conversation went something like this (I was 9 at the time): “Mom, I want to go to the Michael Jackson concert!” She replies, without looking at me “is it general seating?” I say “I guess so.” “No” she says. And that was that. But I digress…

Scarier than the original Thriller and even scarier than the plastic surgery bill he has… I give you

INDIAN THRILLER

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